Janie

November 18th was a day I never wanted to remember, but I couldn't help myself yesterday..it was a year since Janie passed away. With that day brought the horrible memories of losing her last year along with the wonderful memories of the 23 years I spent with her before that day. I hesitated about writing anything on here, but I think it may be good for me to get my feelings out a bit.
The past year has been a serious roller coaster for me and for my family. A month after Janie died, I found out I was pregnant. Up to that point I had been a mess. It was a struggle to make it through each day. I am sure anyone who has lost a loved one knows what I mean by that. Every day you wake up and relive the pain as you remember what happened. That was what I was doing every morning. Then I found out I was pregnant and I put my grief on hold because I wanted my baby to have a healthy mommy and I knew I needed to take the focus off myself and put it into my baby. Throughout my pregnancy my faith also grew. I learned to be a bit more trusting in the Lord that He would take care of my sister and that everything would be okay. I look at Averie and feel immense love that I have a hard time even describing. I would do ANYTHING for my baby girl. I love her more than anything. This has given me a new perspective on life. If I love my baby this much, I can only imagine how much God loves us, and if God loves us that much, He must take good care of us because that is what you do for someone you love. So I know He is taking care of my sister.

Janie was my best friend. She was one of the people I would tell anything to. You know, those things that you don't want to say to someone because you don't want them to think less of you. Well I could tell her anything and know without a doubt that she would not judge me. It was always that way. I would sneak down to her room when I was little, late at night, and we would snuggle and talk about everything. She used to skip school when she was in high school to come take me to lunch when I was having a hard time in elementary school. That was the type of person she was. She would do anything for someone she loved. (Not that she didn't love skipping school anyway!) Janie taught me so much. We fought hard and loved hard, and we were not only sisters by default, but we were sisters because we chose to be. We connected from the beginning, and I think God made us sisters for a reason. It hurts really bad to know I won't see her again in this life. I honestly don't know how I will do it. I miss her so bad it physically hurts me sometimes. It doesn't seem fair and it doesn't make sense. But I just have to keep faith that the Lord will take care of his little girl, just as I take care of mine. And I am grateful for my blessings and for the amazing times I shared with my sister. Janie will ALWAYS be in my heart and I know she watches over our family. I love her so much and I will never be the same without her. I will always miss my sissy.